Shame can be powerful. It can stop behavior abruptly. It can shock people into compliance. It can create short bursts of control that look like change. But shame almost never heals anything. In recovery, shame often masquerades as motivation. People believe that if they feel bad enough, disgusted enough, or disappointed enough in themselves, they will finally change for good. Sometimes that works...
Many people arrive at recovery carrying a quiet but heavy belief:“If I were stronger, more disciplined, or more serious, I could fix this.” They may have tried setting rules. Making promises. Drawing lines. They may have succeeded for days, weeks, or even months, only to find themselves back where they started. Each return can feel like proof that something is wrong with them. This post is here...